Why did this happen to me?

  Trauma…

Abuse

Rape

Molestation

Natural Disasters

Divorce

Betrayal

Rejection

Abandonment

The list goes on and on. These are all horrible things that can happen to us as we live our lives—and they can all cause us intense emotional and spiritual pain, which can also lead to physical illness and physical pain!

You may be asking yourself that question, “Why did this happen to me?”  Be careful. That question can lead to bitterness, anger, resentment, blaming God, blaming yourself, or blaming someone else because the pain from that traumatic experience has been eating away at you. When horrific things happen to us, whether it is a divorce, abuse, or any other trauma, we can be in so much pain that it can lead to physical illness. Yes, the emotional and/or spiritual pain that we carry can and often does lead to physical illness.

We have to understand that it was never God’s perfect will for us to suffer the trauma that we went through. Years ago, one couple in ministry told me that a lady to whom they ministered was a Satanic Ritual Abuse (SRA) survivor. The lady had told them that she believed it was her “lot in life,” her destiny, to be the recipient of Satanic Ritual Abuse. She was convinced that, for some reason, God had appointed her to go through that horrific abuse. I do not believe that at all. That goes completely against what God’s Word says. He loves us! He wants the best for us. Being traumatized by Satanic Ritual Abuse is not God’s will for anyone.

However, we live in a messed up world and there is a kingdom of darkness. That kingdom of darkness inspires people to do things that are hurtful, painful, traumatic and downright unthinkable at times. God has given us an amazing gift of free will. I praise Him for that gift because without our free will, we would all be like little robots, walking around only doing what we were programmed to do. I thank God that we have the ability to make choices, to make decisions, but that ability also leads to a lot of the pain and a lot of the trauma that people suffer.

Many, many people, including Christians, have suffered trauma at the hands of close friends, family, and other Christians. We all have a free will. That is why we accepted the Lord in the first place. We were given a choice and we said, “Yes.” If we had not had a free will, the discussion would be over. So we have to remember that along with that gift of free will comes a lot of pain and trauma at times at the hands of those closest to us. The enemy, Satan, knows that he can cause us the deepest and most intense pain through those that we love.

The answer is not to allow the pain from the trauma to eat you alive. The answer is not to stuff it. The answer is not to medicate it. The answer is not to drown it in alcohol. The answer is not to do anything else harmful to yourself to try to deaden the pain. The answer is to seek healing—and Jesus Christ is the Healer. He came to set the captives free. He came to heal the brokenhearted (Isaiah 61:1). First, we have to admit that we are brokenhearted. We have to admit that the pain is damaging our relationships with others, especially with God. We have to draw as close to Him as we can, seek His healing, and seek His restoration.

It is not uncommon for someone to say that they cannot forgive the person that was responsible for the pain that they have experienced. That is a reality. Over the years, I have learned that it is not enough just to say, “I forgive,” and grit your teeth, trying to do it in your own strength, because it does not work. If the emotional and/or spiritual pain is intense and the trauma was deeply emotional, deeply hurtful, the pain that is attached can cause a person who is very sincerely wanting to forgive not to be able to forgive from their heart—even though they want to, even though they make the choice to forgive. The pain that they are carrying blocks their ability to truly and deeply forgive.

Ministering to one SRA survivor, I learned the importance of allowing healing to occur and not to try and facilitate forgiveness before the pain was released. I did not try to lead that person through a forgiveness prayer. They would have probably done it to be cooperative, but it would not have helped them to get to the place of true heartfelt forgiveness. The pain they were carrying was so unimaginably deep and intense that if they were able to make that choice, the prayer would have been superficial and it would not have helped them to receive the healing they really needed. However, after ministering to that person for a period of time, it was amazing to watch as the pain was released and the healing was accomplished through the love of Jesus. Then the ministry recipient spontaneously forgave all of those involved in the ritual abuse. That is the goal—a deep, heartfelt forgiveness that can only come after someone has been set free from the pain and trauma by Jesus Christ.

There is so much that we have yet to learn about how pain and trauma affect our brains, our spirits, our DNA, and everything about us. We have to be very careful not to think that we understand it all. I guarantee that we don’t. However, as long as we continue to strive to receive the healing we need and not just give in to the pain, there is hope. The hope is in the fact that Jesus Christ came to heal the brokenhearted!

If this describes you and you are in such intense pain that you are medicating it, drowning it in alcohol, or participating in some other addiction or behavior that helps you to numb the pain, you are not alone. You are not alone. The first step is to admit that the pain is there. The second step is to reach out for help in getting free and healed from that pain. There is help available through Christian counselors, prayer ministers, and others who use the Holy Bible as their basis for helping people receive the needed healing.

You are not alone. Jesus said that He would be with you, that He would never forsake you, that He would never leave you, and He wants more than anything for you to be set free and healed. He loves you! That’s hard for some people to believe because people who have told them they love them have caused the most pain. Jesus will never cause you pain. He brings comfort. He brings healing. His healing is not superficial and it is not temporary. It is lasting and it is the only way to get out of the prison that the trauma has put you in. So rejoice in that truth. Thank God that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Seek help—whether it is with a Healing the Brokenhearted Ministry minister or another Christian inner healing ministry. God loves you and He wants you to know that there is help available for your broken heart!

Kathy Shelton