Then he said to them, “Go your way, eat the fat, drink the sweet, and send portions to those for whom nothing is prepared; for this day is holy to our Lord. Do not sorrow, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.”
Nehemiah 8:10 (NKJV)
What a blessing it is to get together with family and friends during Easter, Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas, New Years, birthdays and other times of celebration. However, these days and seasons—which should be joyful and a blessing—can be extremely lonely and emotionally painful times for many people. As a result and very sadly, the rate of suicide increases during the holidays. That tragedy can be prevented.
When emotional pain or trauma from the past is triggered during the holidays, it can be extremely difficult for those who are unknowingly carrying that pain. They may not realize that their reaction to Aunt Suzie or Uncle Harry is really partially the result of past pain that has been buried and is now coming to the surface. Reactions to what should be happy situations can appear to be inappropriate and even unreasonable to the traumatized person and others, because they do not understand that suppressed pain and trauma are being triggered.
An example of emotional pain from the past being triggered after over six decades was described to me by one of my ministry recipients several years ago. This woman, Betty (not her real name), had been married for over 50 years when she asked her husband to go to the store to buy a jar of pickles for her. Betty told him the type and brand of pickles that she wanted, but when he returned home, he had a jar of generic pickles that was not even the type that she had requested.
This woman, who was in her seventies, said that she went into a rage! However, Betty also had some knowledge about inner emotional wounds and quickly realized that her reaction had very little to do with the pickles. So, she asked the Lord what was going on with her, and He revealed the root of her emotional outburst. When Betty was a child, her family was very poor and her mother only bought things that were the least expensive. If her mother came home with anything that was not the cheapest item, this woman’s father went into a rage. The pain and trauma that surfaced when Betty’s husband came home with the generic brand of pickles had been stuffed for over 60 years!
The end of the story is that Betty received the healing and freedom that she needed from this past emotional pain and trauma through Jesus Christ. Praise the Lord! You can also receive the same healing and freedom if you will pursue it with a qualified, trained Christian minister. Healing the Brokenhearted Ministry is one type of inner healing ministry meant to help people receive freedom and healing from emotional and spiritual pain and trauma.
Until inner healing is received, there are several things we can do to minimize experiencing emotional pain during the holidays. If we know that certain people, or specific situations have caused us emotional pain in the past, we must do whatever we can to limit our contact with them, or completely avoid being exposed to them, if at all possible. We must set healthy, godly boundaries to protect our hearts and spirits. A good example of this is avoiding watching seasonal programs on television, listening to particular holiday music, and going to parties or events that are sure to bring the past emotional pain to the surface. It is much easier to avoid being triggered than to deal with the emotional pain once it has come to the surface.
Also, focusing on the main reason for the celebration is a must in order to avoid emotional pain and trauma from ruining holidays. For example, remembering that Christmas is about the birth of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior—and not about the gifts, parties and social events—will help immensely. We cannot get offended and hurt as easily if we keep the main thing, the main thing. Jesus’ birth allowed for His death and resurrection which provided all people the opportunity to receive forgiveness for their sins and healing for their broken hearts. Taking our focus off Aunt Suzie or Uncle Harry will help prevent the pain and trauma they trigger from coming up in our hearts and spirits. Everyone with broken hearts must focus, focus, focus on the Healer and not on the people and situations that caused our hearts to be broken. Creating new, joyful memories helps heal our broken hearts as well.
If you dread the holidays because emotional pain from the past is usually triggered, please know that you are not alone. This is very common. However, there is help. Jesus can release that past pain and trauma! As Nehemiah 8:10 says, “The joy of the Lord is your strength.” His joy is not dependent on our circumstances or any past emotional pain we have suffered. His joy is endless and without comparison. If we are on a downward spiral into the opposite of His joy, we must draw near to our heavenly Father and pray for His joy to overshadow the past pain.
It takes determination and laser-like focus on our part to be joyful during the holidays. Returning to a place of peace once emotional pain and trauma have produced depression, great sadness, despair or hopelessness in our hearts and spirits is not easy. However, it is possible through the love and healing power of a genuine, personal relationship with Jesus Christ. There is never a better time to ask Jesus to be our personal Lord and Savior than the present moment. He wants to heal our broken hearts, but He will never force anyone into a relationship with Him. We must willingly choose to accept that gift, which will make it possible for emotional and spiritual healing to take place. Once Jesus becomes the true focus of our lives, we can ask Him to release the pain that has surfaced and replace it with His peace and joy.
God loves us very much and wants us to be set free from past pain and trauma. My prayer for you is that you will allow the Lord to direct your steps to receive the inner healing you need. May God bless you with His peace and joy every holiday season!