Inner Healing — Healing from the Inside Out

The spirit of a man is the lamp of the Lord,
Searching all the inner depths of his heart.

Proverbs 20:27 (NKJV)

Inner healing is the healing of a person’s emotional and spiritual wounds. Many of them are wounds that were initially experienced in early childhood. Our spirits register everything about us from the moment of conception on. 

There is a great need for inner healing in this world! So many people are miserable because they cannot bear the emotional and spiritual pain from trauma that they are carrying. That pain can result in addiction, abuse, divorce, domestic violence, murder, abandonment, physical illness, suicide, and many other epidemics in our society. Inner healing from emotional and spiritual pain that we have suffered is not optional if we desire to fulfill the Lord’s destiny for us.

A merry heart does good, like medicine,
But a broken spirit dries the bones.

Proverbs 17:22 (NKJV)

The spirit of a man will sustain him in sickness,
But who can bear a broken spirit?

Proverbs 18:14 (NKJV)

Trauma can be experienced in many forms including molestation, rape, domestic violence, death of a loved one, divorce, accidents, and natural disasters. Abuse, including mental, verbal, emotional, physical, sexual, and spiritual abuse, produces traumatic effects on our hearts and spirits. Traumatic situations always leave our hearts and spirits broken. Without inner healing for emotional and spiritual pain, we can become bitter, resentful, excessively angry, full of hatred, and physically ill.

A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart brings forth evil. For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.

Luke 6:45 (NKJV)

The good treasure in our hearts does produce good in our lives, but it does not prevent evil treasure from producing pain and suffering for our family and friends. Those closest to us—the ones we love and who love us—end up being easy targets when our own pain and trauma are triggered. This dynamic alone causes more relationship issues, broken homes, and divorces than most people realize.

Some of the evil treasure of our hearts may be formed as the result of painful and traumatic circumstances. We often suppress the emotional and spiritual pain without even trying as a defense mechanism that we develop to continue to function from day to day. Suppressed emotional and spiritual pain doesn’t just disappear. It can turn into lingering physical pain! In addition, the pain will not stay hidden forever, and it will eventually erupt like a volcano. That is when the abundance of the heart pours out of our mouths, or through our ungodly actions. Denying that emotional and spiritual pain exist within our hearts and spirits will never stop that from happening, and it will never cause the inner healing that we need to be accomplished.

Reproach and insults have broken my heart and I am so sick.
I looked for sympathy, but there was none,
And for comforters, but I found none.

Psalm 69:20 (AMP)

Many people have hurt us because they were carrying emotional and spiritual pain and trauma for which they never received healing. It is often said that hurt people, hurt people. That is true, but no excuse for us to continue to hurt others because we have not pursued inner healing for ourselves.

Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.

Psalm 51:10 (NKJV)

A clean heart represents a heart that has received healing for the things it contains that are not godly and glorifying to God. Our spirits cannot be steadfast as long as we are suffering the effects of pain and trauma. Once a person has sincerely asked Jesus Christ to be their personal Lord and Savior, they must ask God to show them what is in their hearts and spirits that needs to be released so they can truly obey Him in every area of their lives. We need to be living from the heart that Jesus gave us. Unfortunately, most of us are living from a heart that is broken. None of us will ever have a totally clean heart until we pass from this life into eternity in Heaven, but pursuing the cleanest heart possible should be a Christian’s goal in their inner healing journey.

According to Isaiah 53:4 (NKJV), Jesus has borne our griefsand carried our sorrows. Griefs and sorrows include our spiritual and physical sicknesses. Borne and carried mean to take upon oneself, or to carry as a burden.

Bible-based inner healing that relies on the power of Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit is the most effective and long-lasting healing. We do not have to live our lives in a prison of pain and trauma that we carry in our hearts and spirits! Isaiah 61:1 (NKJV) says that Jesus came to heal the brokenhearted—not Buddha, Allah, Mohammed, or any pagan god. Jesus Christ, the Son of Almighty God, came to heal the brokenhearted and set the captives free (Luke 4:16-21, NKJV). True freedom is possible if it is pursued in a godly way.

Asking for help to receive inner healing takes courage and a willingness to admit that there is emotional and spiritual pain and trauma that are contributing to a lack of peace. Talking to a Christian counselor or prayer minister about your need for inner healing may seem frightening, but it will be the most important step you can take to help yourself and those you love. The Lord has provided many Christian ministries that help with inner healing. However, they will not search you out. You must do some research and find the best one for the specific pain and trauma that you have experienced. Our website includes a HELPFUL RESOURCES page on the top menu which lists suggestions for ministries that you may want to contact for help (CLICK HERE).

The LORD is near to the brokenhearted
And saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Psalm 34:18 (NASB)

Inner healing for emotional and spiritual pain is a process like peeling an onion. It is ongoing. Inner healing is not about trying to be healed and whole all at once. Each person needs to allow themselves the time necessary and receive the Lord’s grace to continue one day at a time. Each step taken in the inner healing process will increase one’s love for and closeness to Almighty God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit.

Kathy Shelton

The Trauma and Heartbreak of Spiritual Abuse

The seriousness of spiritual abuse and its effects cannot be overstated!

Spiritual abuse is the abuse of a person’s spirit. The deception accompanying spiritual abuse often keeps the victim in a state of confusion and disbelief. They may ask themselves, “How can people who are supposed to be helping me grow in the things of God be abusing me?” Unfortunately, spiritual abuse happens more often than one might imagine. The results are ugly and extremely damaging.

Since I began ministering to the brokenhearted, I have prayed with many women who have been spiritually abused. Yes, there are the obvious ritual abuse and Satanic Ritual Abuse (SRA) survivors who suffered horrific levels of spiritual abuse. There are also those who have come out of mainstream churches, “Christian” organizations, and non-Christian organizations where there was intense spiritual abuse that caused them substantial amounts of emotional and spiritual pain and trauma. Spiritual abuse can happen in religious organizations, but also in homes, schools and the workplace.

 But Jesus called them to Himself and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles have absolute power and lord it over them, and their great men exercise authority over them [tyrannizing them]. It is not this way among you, but whoever wishes to become great among you shall be your servant, and whoever wishes to be first among you shall be your [willing and humble] slave; just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many [paying the price to set them free from the penalty of sin].”

Matthew 20:25-28 (AMP)

Exerting power and control over another person using Scripture or religious beliefs is spiritual abuse. Anytime a person places themselves in authority over another person—in place of the ultimate authority of the Lord Jesus Christ—that is a recipe for spiritual abuse! When someone is told that the person in authority knows better because they “have a better connection to God,” that is a wide-open door to spiritual abuse. Spiritual abuse is evil and it increases if left unchecked.

One of the ladies to whom I ministered in the past told me about an abusive incident, which was one of many, that she experienced with her husband. She had disagreed with him about something that a man in ministry was teaching. She said that her husband grabbed her arm, twisted it behind her back, and repeatedly yelled at her that she needed to repent for disagreeing with the minister. He told her that she needed to ask God to forgive her for having the “horrible” thought that the man in ministry could possibly be wrong. This lady was in tears as she shared the details of this event with me. It was physical, emotional, verbal, and mental abuse, as well as spiritual abuse! This is just one example of spiritual abuse being accompanied by other forms of abuse. It is often the case that emotional, verbal, mental, physical and/or sexual abuse happen together with spiritual abuse. 

The spirit of a man will sustain him in sickness,
But who can bear a broken spirit?

Proverbs 18:14 (NKJV)

The damage that is done to a person’s heart, mind and spirit—to their whole being—as the result of spiritual abuse can be overwhelming. It can be devastating. It can lead to the victim not being able to function normally. Survivors of spiritual abuse often struggle with anger. They experience different levels of anger as a result of the abuse. Most of the time, it is righteous anger and not sin.  The pain and trauma of spiritual abuse can also lead to suicide attempts, or a successful suicide, if the victim becomes hopeless about the possibility of relief from that pain.

 …we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself.

2 Corinthians 1:8 (ESV)

People who are spiritually abusive often twist Scripture. They take Bible verses out of context. They manipulate people in ways that are absolutely inspired by the kingdom of darkness. Perpetrators of spiritual abuse also use isolation, secrecy, and fear to control their victims. They count on the victim’s silence about their abuse. All of these things make it very difficult for a victim to break free and receive the healing they desperately need for the emotional and spiritual pain and trauma.

Spiritually abusive people are sometimes deceived themselves into thinking that what they are doing is right. A lot of the perpetrators of spiritual abuse are deceived, and the nature of deception is that the person does not realize that they are deceived. However, that is no excuse and does not forgive their deeply harmful behavior, nor does it release them from accountability. They will answer to God for their actions. On the other hand, many perpetrators of spiritual abuse know exactly what they are doing!

Can the Ethiopian change his skin or the leopard its spots?
Then may you also do good who are accustomed to do evil.

Jeremiah 13:23 (NKJV)

Leopards cannot change their spots and abusers do not discontinue their abusive behavior, because they are accustomed to practicing evil. The perpetrators of spiritual abuse do not respond to the conviction of the Holy Spirit, nor does their conscience tell them that they have gone over the line. Normally, someone who is spiritually abusive only stops if they are forced to do so by an earthly authority or by the Lord. 

Several of the women to whom I have ministered were survivors of Satanic Ritual Abuse (SRA). One of those ladies told me the reason that the abuse finally stopped for her. The high priest was in the process of murdering her when he suddenly and unexplainably died. His neck snapped. The lady told me that she believed angels came to her assistance at the precise time when the perpetrator was going to end her life. I do not believe that the high priest would have stopped otherwise. The Lord came to her rescue!

 Are not all the angels ministering spirits sent out [by God] to serve (accompany, protect) those who will inherit salvation? [Of course they are!]

Hebrews 1:14 (AMP)

People may ask, “Why does God allow people to be spiritually abused? Why doesn’t He stop it?” It is the same reason that He does not stop sin in general in this world. God has given a free will to everyone. We need to stop blaming God for all the horrific things that happen and put the blame where it belongs—on the human beings who make the choice to be abusive and on the kingdom of darkness that inspires those evil choices. Spiritual abuse is one of Satan’s many tools to destroy human hearts, minds and spirits.

The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.

John 10:10 (NKJV)

When people sincerely invite Jesus Christ to be their personal Lord and Savior, they are often brokenhearted because they have experienced significant pain and trauma in the past. Many times, what draws them to the Lord Jesus Christ is that He is so loving and forgiving, and it is an opportunity to be accepted in spite of all their past sin, pain, and trauma. However, their woundedness also makes them easy targets for those who are spiritually abusive. Christians, especially new Christians, can be too trusting of other people, which can lead to them being spiritually abused.

Jesus Christ is never spiritually abusive. He never tries to force anyone to do anything against their will. Jesus understands the frailty of human beings. He understands the sin nature of human beings and how it can interfere with our relationship with God. He did not accept or condone sin, but He forgave sin and told people to “go and sin no more.” That is God’s will for us—that we would be forgiven and that we would not repeat the sin in the future. That is called repentance. Abusers rarely repent! Although they may call themselves Christians, they are not truly following Jesus Christ. They are wolves in sheep’s clothing.

Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravenous wolves.

Matthew 7:15 (NKJV)

If you are currently suffering spiritual abuse or you are a survivor of spiritual abuse, I would highly recommend that you seek help from a trained, Christian prayer minister or counselor who can give you the assistance you need to obtain freedom from the emotional and spiritual pain you are carrying. Seek someone who can help you receive the healing you need from the effects of that abuse. There are suggested resources on the HELPFUL RESOURCES page on this website (CLICK HERE).

In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation [that is, the atoning sacrifice, and the satisfying offering] for our sins [fulfilling God’s requirement for justice against sin and placating His wrath].

1 John 4:10 (AMP)

God loves you and He wants you to be whole. He wants you to be free. He wants your heart and spirit to be healed. He has a destiny for your life and it is not for you to experience or suffer spiritual abuse and its effects any longer. Please make the decision today to step out and pursue your healing and freedom. It is worth it. You are worth it!

May God bless you! My prayer for you is that you will have the strength to stand up and make today the first day of the rest of your life—free from spiritual abuse.

Kathy Shelton

 

The Importance of Godly Relationships

The Importance of Supportive, Godly Relationships While Going Through and Healing from Trauma

Supportive, godly relationships are critical as we go through and heal from traumatic situations. Traumatic situations include the death of loved ones, serious illnesses, physical abuse, sexual abuse, spiritual abuse, emotional abuse, mental abuse, verbal abuse, rape, domestic violence, being the victim of a crime, divorce, accidents, devastating financial conditions and natural disasters. Those extremely painful circumstances can leave us feeling alone, abandoned, rejected, depressed, hopeless, betrayed and even suicidal at times. Negative and harmful emotional responses are often initiated or exacerbated by the lies of the devil. He always tries to discourage God’s children and lead them into a pit of despair when they are weakened by traumatic situations.

We live in a world full of pain and trauma and there is no way to avoid it. However, our Most High God provided ways for us to not just survive, but to more easily go through and heal from the effects of trauma. We must be diligent in staying connected to God and genuine Christians in order to avoid the traps of the devil that occur if we isolate ourselves due to one-time or ongoing traumatic events.

The eternal God is your refuge,
And underneath are the everlasting arms;

Deuteronomy 33:27 (NKJV)

 

A father of the fatherless and a judge and protector of the widows,
Is God in His holy habitation.

Psalm 68:5 (AMP)

The most important relationships that our Father God wants us to turn to when we experience and need healing from traumatic events are our relationships with Him, Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit. Our Most High God wants to comfort us and lead us on the paths that will help us. He wants to heal our broken hearts and spirits that have been devastated by traumatic situations. However, we must sincerely accept God’s love and His Son, Jesus, as our personal Lord and Savior, to be able to receive His incomparable comfort and healing. 

Jesus said to him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.”

John 14:6 (NKJV)

Jesus also said,

 Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 

Matthew 11:28 (NKJV)

Therefore, the first relationships that we should always rely on for comfort and healing are those with Father God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. They are the most important relationships we can ever experience on this journey that we call life. Supportive, godly relationships with other people are also essential for us to continue to be comforted during, and heal after, emotionally traumatic situations. The Lord knows our need for godly counsel, prayer and support, especially when we are weary and vulnerable to the lies of the enemy.

We all need a listening ear and a kind word from a godly person to lift our spirits when we are drained as the result of emotional and spiritual pain. He will surround us with people who love us and care deeply about our pain, but they may be people other than family members. The family was created to provide that kind of comfort and support. However, we do not live in a perfect world and our own family members may be the cause of some of the emotional pain and trauma that we suffer. Feelings of rejection, betrayal and abandonment can become intensely painful when trauma is caused by our loved ones. Loneliness and a feeling of isolation are lessened when we reach out to genuine Christians.

God makes a home for the lonely;
He leads the prisoners into prosperity,
Only the stubborn and rebellious dwell in a parched land.

Psalm 68:6 (AMP)

Traumatic circumstances always break our hearts. People often carry emotional pain for years and decades without even realizing that suppressed pain and trauma are affecting them in significant areas of their lives. We were never meant to go through pain and trauma alone. Isolating ourselves during those circumstances is the worst thing we can do and only adds to the pain. That is why we must receive love and kindness from people who are living according to God’s Word—whom we can trust with our broken hearts—not in place of the Lord, but in addition to Him. 

We must reach out to godly friends, family, healing ministers and others who can provide prayer, encouragement and the love that we need for the healing process to be accomplished. Our Most High God created us to be in close relationship with Him and godly people. Cutting ourselves off from those relationships makes us incredibly susceptible to destructive feelings and to attacks from the devil. Fear of being hurt again can also cause us to be hesitant to reach out to people for help. However, The Lord will show us who can be trusted and through whom He wants us to receive His comfort and healing. We must receive God’s provision of healing for our broken hearts through His Son, Jesus, and the godly relationships with which He blesses us.

Jesus said,

The Spirit of the Lord is upon Me,
Because He has anointed Me
To preach the gospel to the poor;
He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted,
To proclaim liberty to the captives
And recovery of sight to the blind,
To set at liberty those who are oppressed;

Luke 4:18 (NKJV)

Jesus came to not only save us from our sins, but also to heal our broken hearts! A genuine, personal relationship with Him is essential in receiving comfort and healing during and after times of emotional pain and trauma. Our heavenly Father also blesses us with His love and peace through supportive, godly relationships with people who know how to listen and be compassionate when we are in emotional pain. Keeping emotional pain stuffed inside only makes things worse. We must let go of our pride, reach out to the Lord Jesus and His sincere followers, and allow them to help us.  

 

Kathy Shelton

 

 

Can you cry?

This may sound like a strange question. However, in my ministry experiences with brokenhearted people, several of them were completely unable to cry. When they contacted me for help, their emotions had been shut down for years as the result of traumatic situations that had happened in their lives.

If this describes you, you need to know that God created our brains in a way to shut down our emotions when trauma becomes so intense that we cannot handle the pain. The way our brains deal with that overwhelming trauma often looks like we are numb—because we are—we are not responding emotionally to the trauma. This is for our own benefit and protection. Our response to trauma can also look like confusion. The bottom line is that God created our brains to operate this way when we are confronted with tremendous emotional pain and trauma. As a result, we can usually continue to function at some level in spite of horrific and intense traumatic experiences that we suffer in our lives.

After returning from the Healing the Brokenhearted (HBH) Ministry training seminar that I attended in August 2008, the Lord Jesus ministered to me in my first HBH session. At the seminar, I became aware that there were some deep issues of pain and trauma that the Lord wanted to heal in my heart and spirit. He wanted to release that emotional pain which I was carrying from some traumatic events in my life. The day after I returned from the seminar, the Lord showed me that it was time for Jesus to lead me in healing prayer. As I proceeded through the HBH process that I had learned, I was absolutely overwhelmed by the amount of emotional pain that was released. The tears and emotional pain that came out from very deep within me were unexpected and eye-opening. I cried buckets of tears! I had no idea that I was carrying that amount of emotional pain. I had no idea that someone could function while carrying that amount of emotional pain. However, as I said above, God created our brains with the ability to suppress emotional pain so that we can function to whatever degree necessary in spite of emotional pain and trauma. Once my prayer session was over and I had released an enormous amount of pain, I realized that if I could be walking around and functioning—doing my daily tasks, carrying that amount of pain—many other people could also be living the same way.

Over the years as I have ministered to others in individual prayer sessions, during seminars and during workshops, I have seen that level of pain released dozens and dozens of times. There was one woman—and this is not uncommon—who had been sexually abused as a child by a family member. As I ministered to her during a live demonstration at an HBH informational seminar years ago, a similar amount of deeply suppressed emotional pain came out of that brokenhearted woman. Another time, a different volunteer for the live demonstration at a seminar was literally shaking as she was crying and releasing the pain that had been stuffed for decades. She began trembling uncontrollably as it came up. I prayed and asked Jesus to release the pain and fill them both with peace. He did just that and they were very grateful to be free from that emotional pain.

One of the other women to whom I ministered HBH several times came to a prayer session immediately after signing her divorce paperwork at the courthouse. She was not aware that was going to happen that day. The original plan was to work on some financial support details at the court appointment until the divorce was finalized at a later date. However, this dear lady was completely blindsided when the attorneys announced the divorce would be final after that hearing. When she came to her appointment, all she could do was cry. That was the best thing I could let her do during that session. She cried and cried and cried. As she did, I prayed and asked Jesus to release the pain and fill her with peace. I set my plan for that ministry session aside and followed the Lord’s plan to minister to this extremely heartbroken woman. She received what she needed at that session—love and compassion for her hurting heart, mind and spirit.

You number my wanderings; put my tears into Your bottle; are they not in Your book?

Psalm 56:8 (NKJV)

One of the beautiful things I have observed while ministering to women who were totally shut down emotionally was that, after Jesus released an amount of the pain and trauma that they were carrying, they were finally able to cry. The tears flowed. Our tears are precious to our Most High God. Psalm 56:8 says that He puts our tears in His bottle and records them in His book. I have often told ministry recipients that if they feel like crying, “Let yourself cry, if you can, because tears are healing.” Releasing that pain is one step to healing and freedom. We were never meant to hold the emotional pain and trauma our entire lives. Eventually it either explodes out of us, or it makes us so physically sick that we cannot function at the level that we are supposed to be living.

Occasionally people have said to me, “All I do is cry when pain surfaces between sessions.” I tell them that is good because being able to cry is an absolute gift from God. Being able to feel those emotions and release that pain through tears is part of the healing process. I encourage them to ask Jesus to release the pain—to take the pain, to remove it from their hearts, to remove it from their minds and spirits, to heal those places where that pain was—as they cry. More than a few people have told me that when they do that they feel so much better—they feel relief. I also encourage them to ask the Holy Spirit to fill those voids with His peace.

Jesus wept.

John 11:35 (NKJV)

Jesus cried when He saw the deep emotional pain that Martha and Mary were experiencing after their brother, Lazarus, died. However, so many people were raised, especially men, being told, “Don’t cry. (Men don’t cry.)” However, it is not uncommon for men to cry as they go through inner healing for emotional pain and trauma. They are able to cry after they have received a level of healing. Men need to cry just as much as women do—sometimes more so. If that describes you and you are a man who has been told all your life, “Men don’t cry. Stop crying. Don’t cry,” I would encourage you to seek help, because many men may not cry, but the painful emotions come out in some other way. Men and women often experience anger when emotional pain and trauma surface. There are a lot of good reasons for anger to be attached to pain and trauma, but when anger erupts, it does not release the pain and trauma. Anger that is the result of a traumatic situation is usually released spontaneously as Jesus heals the damage and releases pain and trauma in a prayer session, not the other way around.

Many people tell us that we should not be angry, especially if we are Christians. We are often told, “You should not get angry. Forgive. Love everyone.” However, expressing anger is not always sin. There is righteous anger and that is what is normally attached to emotional pain and trauma. Satanic Ritual Abuse (SRA) survivors have enormous amounts of righteous anger attached to the emotional and spiritual pain they carry. Until the pain and trauma are released, that anger festers. I have addressed the issue of anger in much more detail in several other articles, including “Be angry and do not sin” and “A Whip of Cords!”

I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well.

Psalm 139:14 (NKJV)

It is amazing how God created our brains, our bodies, our hearts, our minds and our spirits. We are truly fearfully and wonderfully made! I have been in awe of what I have seen the Lord Jesus Christ do as I have ministered over the years. Our Most High God is able to heal even the deepest pain, even the deepest wounds and damage from horrific trauma.

Inner healing includes shedding tears. We all need to be able to cry! If you cannot cry, I would encourage you to understand several things. You are carrying a level of pain that will surface one day if it is not released in a godly and healthy way. It will erupt out of you like a volcano. You need to deal with that pain before that happens. That emotional pain and trauma has caused your brain to shut down your ability to cry. One way or the other, whether it is physical illness, or an emotional outburst coming from deep within you, the pain and trauma will eventually be triggered. When that suppressed pain gets triggered, it is not pretty.

Emotional pain and trauma can cause our whole being—mind, body, heart and spirit—to be in a state of dis-ease. Buried emotional pain will cause a person to be unable to fulfill their God-given destiny. However, we can get to the place where God wants us to be—whole and healed—able to deal with future pain and trauma in a healthy way. We can be free from emotional pain and trauma with Jesus’ help. If an individual has sincerely accepted Jesus Christ as their personal Lord and Savior, inner healing and freedom are possible!

“The Spirit of the LORD is upon Me, because He has anointed Me to preach the gospel to the poor; He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives and recovery of sight to the blind, to set at liberty those who are oppressed;”

Luke 4:18 (NKJV)

I would like to encourage you, number one, to have hope, and number two, not to pretend that there is nothing wrong. I would also encourage you to pursue healing for your heart and spirit through Biblical prayer ministry in the name of Jesus Christ. Jesus came to heal the brokenhearted!

Kathy Shelton

 

It is not who you are!

You have experienced trauma. You have experienced emotional pain. You’ve gone through hell. You have experienced abuse. Whether the abuse was spiritual, physical, verbal, emotional, mental, sexual, or any other type of abuse, it caused great pain and trauma in your heart, mind and spirit.

However, IT IS NOT WHO YOU ARE! It is what was done to you.

If you have sincerely asked Jesus Christ to be your personal Lord and Savior, you are a child of the Most High God. That is who you are! You are loved with an everlasting love by the Creator of the Universe, His Son, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. You are loved!

The Lord has appeared of old to me, saying:
“Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love;
Therefore with lovingkindness I have drawn you.”

Jeremiah 31:3 (NKJV)

This world is full of people who are walking around, carrying pain and trauma that has been stuffed for years and often decades. One woman to whom I ministered was in her seventies, and during a ministry session, she told me about being molested by her father, beginning when she was five or six years old. She had never told anyone before about her father doing those horrible things to her. She had been having recurring dreams of him chasing her. That lady was living with extreme amounts of emotional pain and anger inside her heart and spirit. It was coming out at those she loved most—her family. They could not understand why she was so angry.

During that session, deep emotional pain was released from this precious, Christian woman as she sobbed uncontrollably. Jesus Christ ministered to this woman, and He did amazing and lasting healing in her heart, mind and spirit while I prayed with her. Afterwards, she laughed. She smiled. She was set free! Because she was able to talk about the trauma and receive compassionate prayer in Jesus’ name, she was able to receive the healing she needed. It did not change what happened, but Jesus changed her heart, her mind, and her spirit. He cleansed, purified, and healed her from that sexual abuse and trauma. The Holy Spirit filled the voids that were left once the pain and trauma were released. It was a beautiful process to help facilitate and observe. Her family was amazed at the difference they saw in her—the intense anger was gone!

What has happened to you is not who you are, unless you allow it to define who you are. You have to put an end to that. Do not let it continue for decades! You have to take control of your life because you have a beautiful, God-given destiny regardless of your age. God wants you to fulfill the destiny that He has planned for you. The enemy, Satan, does not want you to fulfill your God-given destiny. Satan often uses suppressed pain and trauma to stop people from living out their full potential for the kingdom of God.

The solution is healing through Jesus Christ! He can heal you from all the pain and trauma that was inflicted on you. Jesus can release it from your heart, your mind and your spirit. He came to set the captives free and to heal the brokenhearted (Luke 4:18, NKJV). Jesus can make your heart whole! That is a gift from our Most High God to you if you are a genuine follower of Jesus Christ.

The late Tom R. Hawkins, Ph.D., Founder of Restoration in Christ Ministries, stated the following: “The presence of the ‘flesh’ (man’s inherited propensity towards sin) will not be removed until death or the rapture. Thus, even a healed heart has harassment and temptation directed to the fallen nature, or flesh, from the outside sources of evil called the ‘world’ and all the powers of darkness.”

Having a healed heart does not guarantee that a person will not encounter future trauma, trials and spiritual warfare. However, with a healed heart, a person can function and live as the whole person God created them to be. It is not about becoming “perfect” and without trials, sin, and the challenges of life. It is about allowing the Holy Spirit to direct our reactions and being able to function according to God’s plan to the best of our ability at the time.

We must take part in our inner healing first by sincerely accepting Jesus Christ as our personal Lord and Savior and asking God to forgive our sins. Repenting for our sins—by changing our thoughts, actions and behavior—and obeying God’s Word are critical if we are going to truly live according to God’s will. We must ask the Lord what steps He wants us to take to pursue healing for our broken hearts.

Inner healing takes time, but going through the process is much better than living with deep emotional and spiritual pain. Reading the Bible out loud, listening to praise and worship music, singing to the Lord, and spending time alone with the Lord all help to heal our hearts, minds and spirits. It has been scientifically shown that reading the Word of God out loud helps to rewire our brains!

You may need to seek a qualified, Christian prayer minister who can help you to release the pain and trauma in your heart and spirit. However, that person has to be someone who is trained to do that in the name of Jesus Christ. Not every Christian minister knows how to pray for the release of emotional pain and trauma, but there are many available. If you need help finding one, check out our HELPFUL RESOURCES page by clicking here: HELPFUL RESOURCES. Inner healing will help you to start living your God-given destiny and not the life that Satan wants you to live.

God loves you and He has more for you than you can even imagine. He wants to see you set free! The lie from the enemy is that you will never be able to get healed from the trauma and that you will never be able to get passed it. YES, YOU CAN! However, you have to make the choice to go through the healing process. You have to make the choice to let Jesus Christ set you free.

If you have not sincerely asked Jesus Christ to be your personal Lord and Savior, that is the place to start. Jesus wants to help you. He died for your freedom and healing. However, you have to first make the decision to invite Jesus into your life in order to begin the godly path for inner healing. Once you make that choice, I know that Jesus will be by your side every step of the way. May the Most High God bless you with His everlasting love as you surrender to His will for your life.

Kathy Shelton

 

Jesus Came to Heal Broken Hearts!

We have all been brokenhearted at one or more times during our lives.  The pain that we experience as a result of traumatic situations can be emotional, mental, spiritual, and even physical—and it can be intense!  Biblical, inner healing prayer ministry in Jesus’ name can help heal our broken hearts and release that pain.  It is a blessing from our Most High God to receive inner healing—freedom from emotional and/or spiritual pain and trauma.

Inner healing is the healing of emotional and spiritual pain that was caused by traumatic events.  Many of them were experienced in early childhood.  We all need inner healing because we have all been wounded emotionally and spiritually at some time in our lives.  Examples of traumatic events are emotional abuse, verbal abuse, mental abuse, spiritual abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse, rejection, abandonment, betrayal, being the victim of a violent crime, the death of a loved one, divorce, accidents, and natural disasters.  These events all cause our hearts to be broken.  The good news is that Jesus came to heal broken hearts! 

When past pain or trauma is triggered, a person can act out of character, or react to a situation in a way that is out of proportion to what happened.  Until the pain and trauma are released and the broken parts of our hearts are healed, the cycle repeats itself.  To make matters worse, trauma piggybacks trauma and pain piggybacks pain.  They pile up within us.  The more pain and trauma that we suffer over the years, the more the resulting effects will be devastating and overwhelming to our minds, hearts, spirits and bodies.

“…He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives…”     Luke 4:18 (NKJV)

Luke 4:18 is a quote from Jesus Christ.  Almighty God loves us very much!  He does not want us to go through our lives carrying deep, and often debilitating, emotional and spiritual pain.  Jesus Christ, God’s Son, was born on this earth, died a horrific death and rose from the dead to set us free from sin and to heal our broken hearts!  The first step to freedom from pain and trauma is to sincerely accept Jesus Christ as our personal Lord and Savior.  We must ask God for forgiveness for our sins in Jesus’ name and repent by changing our behavior to line up with God’s Word, the Holy Bible.  Then, the healing can begin in our hearts, minds and spirits.

The Healing the Brokenhearted Ministry (HBH) is one type of Biblical, inner healing ministry through which Jesus heals broken hearts and strengthens relationships with Him, our Most High God and the Holy Spirit.  It is not intended to replace other Christian inner healing methods, but to be an additional tool for deep emotional and spiritual healing.  HBH was developed by Kathi Oates and Rev. Andrew Miller.  The Lord launched HBH in New Mexico after I attended the Healing the Brokenhearted Training Seminar in North Carolina in August 2008.

The goal of Healing the Brokenhearted Ministry is for the ministry recipient to be healed and set free from past pain and trauma.  This is accomplished through gentle and loving prayer.  HBH ministry is done under the direction and control of the Holy Spirit.  During a ministry session, Jesus releases pain and trauma so that the ministry recipient can be free from that burden.  However, it is not necessary for the person to remember the trauma that caused the pain in order to receive healing and freedom from it.  Some people have also received physical healing as a result of HBH ministry.

There are other Christian ministries that focus on Biblical inner healing listed on the HELPFUL RESOURCES page on this website’s top menu. Click here: HELPFUL RESOURCES for more information.

 Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty [emancipation from bondage, true freedom].   2 Corinthians 3:17 (AMP)

Our Most High God has revealed many things to us in His Word.  One of His promises to us is that healing and true freedom—liberty—are available to His children.  We are given the opportunity as genuine followers of Jesus Christ to pursue and receive Biblically based, inner healing for the pain from traumatic situations that we experienced.  The emotional and spiritual pain that we carry in our hearts, minds and spirits will interfere with our abilities to have close relationships with Almighty God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit.  It will also hinder our abilities to serve the Lord and to fulfill our God-given destinies.  We cannot fully connect to our heavenly Father while we have pain and trauma buried inside us.  Addressing emotional and spiritual pain and trauma in Christ-honoring ways will set us free and allow us to experience the joy of the Lord!

               Kathy Shelton

 

Are you BLESSED, but a MESS?

The answer to the question, “Are you BLESSED,” is yes if Jesus Christ, the Son of the Most High God, is truly your Lord and Savior!  Then, you are blessed because you can look forward to spending eternity with Him and Father God in Heaven.  However, having a genuine, personal relationship with the Lord does not automatically heal all the pain and trauma in our hearts and spirits.  In spite of having accepted the Lord Jesus Christ into your heart and life, you may still be a mess emotionally and spiritually.

The Body of Christ is blessed… but it is a mess!

Please don’t take this the wrong way.  I love our brothers and sisters-in-the-Lord who are genuine followers of Jesus Christ.  However, it is time for us to acknowledge the pain and trauma that the Body of Christ—the true Church—is carrying.  In the same way that people who are not Christians do, sincere Christians have experienced and stuffed pain from past and current trauma. 

Addiction to alcohol, drugs—legal and illegal, pornography, and other forms of escape may be the result of a person trying to numb the emotional, spiritual, and sometimes the resulting physical pain.  Knowing that we experienced emotional or spiritual trauma is not an excuse to continue abusing addictive substances, nor is it an excuse to do other ungodly things to numb the pain.  For some people, addiction can be the result of their free wills, bad choices and evil hearts.  Once we realize that pain and trauma are at the root of an addiction, we must seek help to receive godly freedom.

Situations we experience during our lives that cause pain and trauma, including abuse—emotional, verbal, mental, spiritual, sexual and physical—the death of a loved one, divorce, broken relationships, domestic violence, accidents, natural disasters, rejection, betrayal, and rape, always lead to a broken heart.  There are also untold numbers of wolves in sheep’s clothing who pretend to be Christians and break the hearts of sincere followers of Jesus Christ.  Countless, genuine Christians have broken hearts!

Tragically, the end result of overwhelming pain and trauma can be suicide, or attempted suicide.  When a Christian takes his or her own life, people may think they were not really a believer, but that is unreasonable.  True Christians are just as susceptible to the devastating pain that results from trauma in their lives as are non-believers.  In addition, the devil wants nothing more than to destroy peoples’ lives, especially Christians’ lives.  If he can plant thoughts of committing suicide as a way to escape unimaginable emotional and spiritual pain, he will do just that. 

I have experienced dozens of extremely traumatic situations in my life.  I became a born-again Christian in 1986, but prior to that I was raised Catholic and taught about God and His Son, Jesus.  Sadly, I attempted suicide two times, once in 1972 and the second time in 1982.  When the circumstances occurred that caused crushing, intense emotional pain for me, I just wanted the pain to stop.  I thought that death was the only option.  I was very wrong.  I praise the Most High God that I survived those suicide attempts and became one of His children on October 16, 1986!

As a result of Healing the Brokenhearted prayer ministry that I received in 2008, I learned that emotional pain and trauma from the past that I had suppressed was at the root of those suicide attempts decades earlier. During prayer, Jesus Christ released that emotional pain and trauma!  I praise the Lord that I am now completely free of the emotional and spiritual pain that resulted in those suicide attempts.  Freedom from past pain and trauma through Jesus Christ is lasting freedom! 

Over the years, I have prayed with hundreds of men and women who had stuffed pain for years and often decades. They were a mess, emotionally, spiritually, and sometimes physically.  The emotional and spiritual pain they were carrying was often so overwhelming that the only way they could survive was to deny it even existed.  They were all blessed as followers of Jesus Christ, but they were absolutely brokenhearted.

This is the bottom line—please seek help if you are brokenhearted and feel stuck in the pain and trauma.  There is a HELPFUL RESOURCES page on this website (CLICK HERE).  Genuine Christians have the opportunity to be set free from devastating emotional and spiritual pain and trauma through the precious blood of Jesus Christ, but we must pursue inner healing to be able to fully live out our God-given destinies.

    “…He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives…”     Luke 4:18 (NKJV)

Luke 4:18 is a quote from Jesus Christ!  Jesus does not want us to go through our lives carrying deep, and often debilitating, emotional and spiritual pain.  The first step to freedom from pain and trauma is sincerely accepting Jesus Christ as our personal Lord and Savior.  Then, the healing can begin in our hearts, minds and spirits.  Jesus loves us very much and wants to set us free! 

Kathy Shelton

 

What in the world is going on with me?

Have you ever asked yourself that question?  You love the Lord Jesus and have sincerely asked Him to be your personal Lord and Savior, but something is blocking you from receiving freedom from ungodly habits and reactions to things.  The sin that we continue to battle in our lives is sometimes the result of past emotional pain and trauma that are festering beneath the surface.  If you find yourself repeatedly “going around the same mountains,” this may be the reason.

A merry heart makes a cheerful countenance,
But by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken.
Proverbs 15:13 (NKJV)


Our spirits register everything about us from the moment of conception on.  When a person’s countenance is sad, there is a broken spirit involved. 

The spirit of a man will sustain him in sickness,
But who can bear a broken spirit?
Proverbs 18:14 (NKJV)

 
A broken spirit is the result of traumatic events—one time occurrences or on-going situations.  We often suffer traumatic situations as the result of the actions of evil people who have no consciences.  The reality is that much of the trauma we experience is caused by close friends, family and others we trusted who were just pretending to be Christians.  Those traumatic circumstances are even more devastating due to the tremendous betrayal that is part of the trauma.  

Traumatic events include the death of a loved one, divorce, abuse of any kind (sexual, mental, verbal, emotional, spiritual or physical), domestic violence, being the victim of any violent crime, physical illnesses and surgeries, repeatedly moving from one location to another (especially during childhood), natural disasters (fires, floods, tornadoes, hurricanes, etc.), and anything else that is extremely upsetting to normal life circumstances.  Trauma can not only break our hearts, but it can also break our spirits!

Addiction to drugs, alcohol, sex, pornography, gambling, food, prescription medications, ungodly relationships, cutting oneself, or anything else may be the result of trying to numb emotional pain and trauma from the past or present.  As painful memories from past events are triggered and come to the surface, the associated emotional, mental, spiritual or physical pain may be intense.  In an attempt to numb or deaden that pain, an individual may have one, two, three, or more drinks, use drugs, or in some other way try to relieve or deaden that pain.  It may work for a short time, because the activity changes the chemical balance in the person’s brain.  However, it is not a permanent solution and the unbearable emotional, mental, spiritual or physical pain eventually surfaces again.  The cycle of numbing the pain, the pain reappearing, and numbing it again can lead to full-blown addiction.


As genuine followers of Jesus Christ, we need to be living from the hearts and spirits that Jesus gave us.  Unfortunately, most of us are living from hearts and spirits that are broken.  Inner healing is the healing of our emotional and spiritual wounds.  Many of them are wounds that we initially experienced in early childhood.  These traumatic experiences often become repressed with time and remain hidden within us, contaminating our souls and distorting our beliefs and behaviors.  If we bury our emotional and spiritual pain, we are burying something that remains alive!  Suppressed emotional and spiritual pain doesn’t just disappear.  It can turn into lingering physical pain.

The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart,
And saves such as have a contrite spirit.
Psalm 34:18 (NKJV)
  
A contrite spirit is also translated as a crushed spirit (NASB translation).  Therefore, the verse above reassures us that the Lord saves those who are crushed in spirit.  Jesus came to heal the brokenhearted and proclaim liberty to the captives (Luke 4:18, NKJV).  The Lord wants to heal our broken hearts and spirits!

The spirit of man is the lamp of the Lord,

Searching all the innermost parts of his being.
Proverbs 20:27 (NASB)


James 1:4 (NIV) instructs us to become mature and complete, not lacking anything.  This reference is one of many portions of Scripture that highlight our responsibility to work on our maturity.  Once the Lord reveals that some sin in our lives is pain-driven, we must do all we can to pursue Biblical healing and freedom.  We should never use any type of pain as an excuse to sin!

Inner healing is a process like peeling and onion, one layer at a time.  It is not about trying to be perfect all at once.  We all need inner healing, because we have all been wounded emotionally or spiritually to one degree or another.  None of us grew up in a perfect world.  We don’t get healed if we stay in denial about how we are broken.  God does the redeeming, but we choose to mature.  If we are serious about becoming more like Jesus, we must ask Him to show us pain and trauma that He wants to heal in us. 

Jesus said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.”
Matthew 22:37 (NKJV)


We were meant to love God with undivided, whole hearts.  Traumatic situations cause our hearts to be broken and divided into many pieces.  The good news is that there is hope!  A genuine, personal relationship with God’s Son, Jesus Christ, can lead to the healing and restoration of our hearts and spirits.  Jesus is the only One who can truly heal broken hearts and spirits!  Many people have received freedom from the effects of emotional and spiritual pain and trauma, including ungodly behavior, sin and addictions, through Biblical, healing prayer ministry.  Jesus Christ came to set the captives free, but sometimes it requires a person, “Jesus with skin on,” to help in the inner healing process.  We all need the encouragement and prayers of trusted, genuine followers of Jesus Christ! 

Do not give up hope!  Jesus loves you and wants to heal your broken heart and spirit.  The Lord will show you the way to receive the healing you need as you focus on loving Father God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit right where you are at the moment.  The Lord Jesus said, “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.” (Matthew 7:7-8, NKJV)

Kathy Shelton 

Seasons of Emotional and Spiritual Healing

Jesus Christ can lead us through seasons of healing from past emotional and spiritual pain and trauma if we will let Him. However, the Lord never forces anyone to do anything. Our Most High God created us with free wills. It is our choice to enter the inner healing process, or to remain in wounded and broken conditions. Jesus was born, died and rose from the dead to set the captives free and to heal the brokenhearted (Isaiah 61:1), but we must choose to receive His freedom and inner healing.

The first step to receiving inner healing is to sincerely ask Jesus to be the Lord and Savior of our lives! Only genuine relationships with Jesus Christ, Father God and the Holy Spirit can provide the emotional and spiritual healing that we need. Our obedience to the Lord and His commandments and instructions is the evidence that we are His children. Obeying God is crucial in the healing process.

 
 
The Lord rarely, if ever, releases all past pain and trauma at one time. The emotional and spiritual healing He provides usually occur during different seasons of our lives. Seasons of healing can last days, weeks, months, or even years.  Just as in the natural realm, there are longer seasons, shorter seasons and more stormy seasons. The important thing is that we enter the inner healing season trusting the Lord to lead us through it. We must have the courage to enter or re-enter the healing process whenever He directs us to do so.
   
 
Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths.
Proverbs 3:5-6
 
Sometimes the opportunity to enter a season of healing presents itself spontaneously without us doing anything to initiate it. Emotional pain from the past can be, and often is, triggered and comes up as the result of current painful or traumatic situations. When that happens, we need to trust that the Lord knows the perfect time for healing of an area of emotional pain and trauma and follow His guidance to pursue freedom. We should pray as Jeremiah prayed in Jeremiah 17:14, “Heal me, O Lord, and I shall be healed; save me, and I shall be saved, for You are my praise.” However, we also need to realize that the healing of emotional pain and trauma can be a painful process, especially if we have experienced serious emotional trauma over a long period of time.
 
We must enter seasons of healing with this realization that we may experience pain during the process. Just as healing from physical surgery, illnesses, or accidents normally involves pain, healing from emotional and spiritual pain and trauma is a journey that includes good days and some very painful ones. Don’t expect the healing journey to be a piece of cake. However, Jesus promised to be with us always and we can endure the pain of the healing process with Him right by our sides. His incomparable love and peace give us the strength we need to receive inner healing from pain and trauma.
 
If we fell into a cactus plant, and needles were lodged in our bodies, there most certainly would be pain involved in their removal. We are blessed as followers of Jesus that He can apply supernatural anesthesia during the healing process and minimize the pain of the process as He releases the suppressed emotional and spiritual pain and trauma, and heals our hearts and spirits. The healing balm of the Holy Spirit’s presence is the best medicine available for the challenging and ongoing, inner healing process.
 
We must give ourselves time to recover during and between seasons of healing. Our hearts and spirits cannot endure non-stop emotional and spiritual surgery any more than our physical bodies could survive numerous physical surgeries without resting and recovery time between surgeries. Rest is another important aspect of the inner healing process.
 
Also, it is more difficult to receive inner healing from past pain and trauma if we are experiencing current stress and trauma. That hinders the healing process just as an underlying illness can hinder healing and recovery from physical surgery. Therefore, we must do whatever we can to reduce or eliminate ongoing stress and trauma to receive the most effective, godly inner healing possible.
 
The end result of going through seasons of inner healing is worth whatever the journey may require. We must be diligent and wise in seeking help from trained, Christian counselors or prayer ministers. Healing for emotional and spiritual pain and trauma usually requires more than prayer from a family member or friend. We must also always give God praise and thanks for the freedom and healing He provides every step of the way. Thankfulness increases joy and they are both essential in the healing process.
 
 
 
 
I will praise You, O Lord,
with my whole heart;
I will tell of all Your marvelous works.
Psalm 9:1

 

 
 
Another very important aspect of completing the journey through seasons of healing is waiting with hope. When we see a rose bud that has not yet opened, we wait with hope that it will someday become a beautiful flower. Waiting on the Lord and His perfect timing for the seasons of healing in our lives to be accomplished brings freedom in and of itself. It brings freedom from fear and hopelessness.
 
 
 
I would have lost heart,
unless I had believed
That I would see the goodness
of the Lord
In the land of the living.
Wait on the Lord;
Be of good courage,
And He shall strengthen your heart;
Wait, I say, on the Lord!
Psalm 27:13-14
 
 
 
My prayer for you is that you will face emotional and spiritual pain and trauma as the Lord leads you into your seasons of healing, and that Jesus will release that pain and trauma so that you can blossom into all He has planned for your life.

 

 
 
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11
 
 
 
 
 
Kathy Shelton
 
 
All quoted Scriptures are taken from the New King James Version (NKJV) of the Bible.

 

GODLY BOUNDARIES – No Door Mats!

I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.  (Psalm 139:14)

Brokenhearted people often have major problems setting godly boundaries in their lives. The lies of the enemy, Satan, can cause us to feel like we deserved the abuse and/or trauma that we have suffered. We may feel like a doormat, being walked on over and over, because we were vulnerable and an easy target. That is how the enemy would like us to view ourselves. Embracing the true identity that the Lord God has created for us enables us to reject Satan’s lies!

We are fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of the Most High God! The enemy would like us to forget that and see ourselves as less than the beautiful creations that we were meant to be, reflecting God Himself. When we are carrying pain and trauma in our hearts and spirits, our opinions of our worth and value can be skewed. Not having godly boundaries is agreeing with the devil that we are worth less than how our loving God views us. The true nature of who we are in God’s eyes can be distorted—which then causes us to accept more abusive treatment—and the destructive cycle continues. We must break that cycle by believing God’s Word and taking godly action to receive the freedom to be who God created us to be.

“I will be a Father to you, And you shall be My sons and daughters, Says the Lord Almighty.” (2 Corinthians 6:18 )

Genuine followers of Jesus Christ are sons and daughters of the Most High God, the Lord Almighty! We must protect our hearts, minds and spirits, realizing that we are precious to our Heavenly Father and that He is saddened when we do not do so. He paid an enormous price for us to become His sons and daughters when He sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to suffer an excruciating death for our salvation. Jesus’ death and resurrection from the dead needs to be treasured for the amazing and incomparable gift it is to us by our valuing ourselves enough to set godly boundaries!

Connected to the practice of not having healthy, godly boundaries is the fear of man. The fear of man—and what a person may think or do if we do not make them happy and comply with their requests or demands—is one of the most difficult things for people with wounded hearts and spirits to overcome. Many people learn that the fear of man keeps them from suffering additional abuse and trauma. The fear of man becomes stronger with time and brokenhearted/traumatized individuals will often do anything to please people to avoid the consequences of not doing so.

We must understand that forgiveness does not mean that we are supposed to allow repeated abuse. Nowhere did Jesus say that we have to trust someone to love them. He also did not say that we have to continue in relationship with those who continually cause us severe emotional or spiritual pain. Jesus told the woman who was caught in adultery to go and sin no more. If a person is not remorseful and repentant, we should not stay in the relationship unless the Lord leads us to do so, knowing the possibility of future reconciliation. If they honestly repent and/or seek help to stop the behavior, we should cautiously and with the Lord’s direction, support their pursuing freedom from the sin. However, allowing them to continue to hurt and abuse us is not how the Lord wants us to live. We must value ourselves as sons and daughters of the Most High God who loves us beyond anything we can imagine. It grieves Him when we don’t set godly boundaries with people.

Not setting godly boundaries in our own lives is a trap that the devil uses repeatedly to cause us emotional pain, especially in the lives of ministers. Most ministers are compassionate. That is why they have entered ministry. They desire to help people and this desire drives them at times to neglect the wisdom of the Lord in setting healthy, godly boundaries in their lives. Although we should be “moved with compassion,” that does not mean we are to allow people to deceive us or take advantage of us. Setting godly, healthy boundaries is so important if we are going to run the race and stay in it to the end. People will test our boundaries just like children test the boundaries with their parents. It is not a sin or an ungodly practice to protect ourselves from exhaustion and unreasonable demands from others. Saying no to people is not sin. Of course, saying no applies only to people and not to the Lord. He will never ask us to do anything that He does not give us the strength and guidance to accomplish.

Godly boundaries are good walls. However, painful and traumatic situations happen in our lives that can break down the good walls that the Lord designed to shield us from evil. We tend to develop ungodly, destructive walls as a result. Those detrimental walls can separate us from the love of God and His Son, Jesus. Harmful walls can also prevent us from receiving the healing we need for the emotional, mental and/or spiritual pain that exist inside us.

We cannot be truly healed unless we allow the finished work that Jesus did on the cross to penetrate the ungodly walls that we have built around our broken hearts and spirits. Jesus will remove the harmful walls as we receive His healing, and He will replace them with godly ones. Asking Jesus to release the pain we are carrying and replace it with His love will help us to develop godly, healthy walls, or boundaries, in our lives.

Accepting help for healing and freedom from past pain and trauma can be a difficult and frightening thing to consider, because it involves facing the truth and being honest with others about what we have endured. This is especially true if the pain and trauma were caused by other believers. However, we must return to the Lord’s truth that we are fearfully and wonderfully made, and ask God for the courage to begin setting godly boundaries and to restore our true identity in Jesus’ name!

Kathy Shelton

 

All Scripture verses are quoted from the New King James Version (NKJV) of the Bible.