Relationships

The Importance of Supportive, Godly Relationships in Going Through and Healing from Trauma

Supportive, godly relationships are critical as we go through and heal from traumatic situations. Traumatic situations include the death of loved ones, serious illnesses, physical abuse, spiritual abuse, emotional abuse, mental abuse, verbal abuse, molestation, rape, divorce, accidents, devastating financial conditions and natural disasters. Those extremely painful circumstances can leave us feeling alone, abandoned, rejected, depressed, hopeless, betrayed and even suicidal at times. The Lord never meant for those things to happen in our lives, but we live in a world full of pain and trauma and there is no way to avoid it. However, our Most High God provided ways for us to not just survive, but to more easily go through and heal from trauma.

The eternal God is your refuge,
And underneath are the everlasting arms;

Deuteronomy 33:27 (NKJV)

 

A father of the fatherless and a judge and protector of the widows,
Is God in His holy habitation.

Psalm 68:5 (AMP)

The most important relationships that our Father God wants us to turn to when we experience and need healing from traumatic events are our relationships with Him, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. Our Most High God wants to comfort us and lead us on the paths that will help us. He wants to heal our broken hearts that have been devastated by traumatic situations. However, we must accept God’s love and His Son, Jesus, as our personal Lord and Savior, to be able to receive His incomparable comfort and healing. 

Jesus said to him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.”

John 14:6 (NKJV)

Jesus also said,

 Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 

Matthew 11:28 (NKJV)

Therefore, the first relationships that we should always rely on for comfort are those with Father God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. They are the most important relationships we can ever experience on this journey we call life. Supportive, godly relationships with other people are also essential for us to continue to be comforted during, and heal after, emotionally traumatic situations. The Lord knows our need for godly counsel and support when we are too weary to hear Him clearly. We all need a kind word, a hug and a smile to lift our spirits when we are weary. He will surround us with people who love us and care deeply about our pain, but they may be people other than family members. The family was created to provide that kind of comfort and support. However, we do not live in a perfect world and our own family members may be the cause of some of the emotional pain and trauma we suffer. That is when feelings of rejection, betrayal and abandonment can become intensely painful.

God makes a home for the lonely;
He leads the prisoners into prosperity,
Only the stubborn and rebellious dwell in a parched land.

Psalm 68:6 (AMP)

Traumatic circumstances always break our hearts. We can carry emotional pain inside us for years and decades without even realizing that suppressed pain and trauma are affecting us in significant areas of our lives. We were never meant to go through pain and trauma alone. Isolating ourselves during those circumstances is the worst thing we can do and only adds to the pain. That is why we must receive love and kindness from people who are living according to God’s Word whom we can trust with our broken hearts—not in place of the Lord, but in addition to Him. We must reach out to godly friends, family, healing ministers and others who can provide prayer, encouragement and the love that we need for the healing process to be accomplished. Our Most High God created us to be in close relationship with Him and godly people. Cutting ourselves off from those relationships makes us incredibly vulnerable to negative feelings and to the lies from the devil. Fear of being hurt again can also cause us to be hesitant to reach out people for help. However, The Lord will show us who can be trusted and through whom He wants us to receive His comfort and healing. We must receive God’s provision of healing for our broken hearts through His Son, Jesus, and the godly relationships with which He blesses us.

The Spirit of the Lord is upon Me,
Because He has anointed Me
To preach the gospel to the poor;
He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted,
To proclaim liberty to the captives
And recovery of sight to the blind,
To set at liberty those who are oppressed;

Luke 4:18 (NKJV)

Jesus came to not only save us from our sins, but also to heal our broken hearts! A personal relationship with Him is essential in receiving comfort and healing during and after times of emotional pain and trauma. Our heavenly Father also blesses us with His love and peace through supportive, godly relationships with people who know how to listen and be compassionate when we are in emotional pain. Keeping emotional pain stuffed inside only makes things worse. We must let go of our pride, reach out to the Lord Jesus and His genuine followers, and allow them to help us.  

 

Kathy Shelton

 

 

Inner Healing — Healing from the Inside Out

 

There is a great need for inner healing in this world! So many people are miserable because they cannot bear the emotional and spiritual pain from trauma that they are carrying. That pain results in addiction, abuse, murder, abandonment, physical illness, suicide, and many other epidemics  in our society. Inner healing from emotional and spiritual pain that we have suffered is not optional if we desire to fulfill the Lord’s destiny for us.

Trauma can be experienced in many ways including molestation, rape, death of a loved one, divorce, accidents, and natural disasters. Abuse, including mental, verbal, emotional, physical, sexual, and spiritual abuse, produces traumatic effects on our hearts and spirits. Traumatic situations always leave our hearts and spirits broken. Without inner healing for the emotional and spiritual pain, we can become bitter, resentful, excessively angry, full of hatred, and physically ill.

Luke 6:45 says, “A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart brings forth evil. For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.” (NKJV)

The good treasure in our hearts does produce good in our lives, but it does not prevent the evil treasure from producing pain and suffering for our family and friends. Those closest to us—the ones we love and who love us—end up being easy targets when our own pain and trauma is triggered. This dynamic alone causes more relationship issues, broken homes, and divorces than most people realize.

A large portion of the evil treasure of our hearts is formed as a result of painful and traumatic circumstances. We often suppress the emotional and spiritual pain without even trying as a defense mechanism that we develop to continue to function form day-to-day. However, the pain will not stay hidden forever, and it will eventually erupt like a volcano. That is when the abundance of the heart pours out of our mouths, or through our ungodly actions. Denying that emotional and spiritual pain exist within our hearts will never stop that from happening, and it will never cause the inner healing that we need to be accomplished.

Many people have hurt us because they were carrying emotional and spiritual pain and trauma for which they never received healing. It is often said that hurt people, hurt people. That is true, but no excuse for us to continue to hurt others because we have not pursued inner healing for ourselves.

In Psalm 51:10, David prayed, “Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.” (NKJV)

A clean heart represents a heart that has received healing for the things it contains that are not godly and glorifying to God. Our spirits cannot be steadfast as long as we are suffering the effects of pain and trauma. We must ask God to show us what is in our hearts and spirits that needs to be released so that we can truly obey Him in every area of our lives. That is the first step.

Bible-based inner healing that relies on the power of Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit is the most effective and long-lasting healing. We do not have to live our lives in a prison of pain and trauma that we carry in our hearts and spirits! Isaiah 61:1 says that Jesus came to heal the brokenhearted—not Buddha, Allah, Mohammed, or any pagan god. Jesus Christ, the Son of Almighty God, came to heal the brokenhearted and set the captives free. True freedom is possible if it is pursued in a godly way.

Asking for help to receive inner healing takes courage and a willingness to admit that there is emotional and spiritual pain and trauma that is contributing to your lack of peace. Talking to a Christian counselor or prayer minister about your need for inner healing may seem frightening, but it will be the most important step you can take to help yourself and those you love. The Lord has provided many Christian ministries that help with inner healing. However, they will not search you out. You must do some research and find the best one for the specific pain and trauma that you have experienced. Our website includes a HELPFUL RESOURCES page (CLICK HERE) on the top menu that includes suggestions for ministries that you may want to contact for help.

Inner healing for emotional and spiritual pain is a process like peeling an onion. I pray that you will allow yourself the time necessary and receive the Lord’s grace to continue one day at a time. Each step you take in the inner healing process will bring you that much closer to Almighty God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit.

Kathy Shelton
 

Short… but not sweet.

The Body of Christ is blessed…

but it is a mess!

Don’t take this the wrong way. I love our brothers and sisters-in-the-Lord. However, it is time for us to acknowledge the pain and trauma that the Body of Christ, the Church in general, is carrying.

In the same way that people who are not Christians do, Christians have experienced and stuffed the pain from past and current abuse and trauma. The divorce rate in the Church is equal to, or higher than, that of unbelievers. Addiction to alcohol, drugs, legal and illegal, pornography, and other forms of escape are the product of the emotional, spiritual, and sometimes the resulting physical pain a person is trying to numb. All of the types of pain and trauma caused by situations we experience during our lives, including abuse, death of a loved one, divorce, broken relationships, accidents, natural disasters, rejection, betrayal, molestation and rape, can lead to a broken heart. Many, many Christians have broken hearts!

Tragically, the end result of all the pain and trauma can be suicide, or at least attempted suicide. When a Christian takes his or her own life, people may think they were not really a believer, but that is ridiculous. Christians are just as susceptible to the overwhelming pain that results from trauma in their lives.

I have experienced many traumatic situations in my life, and I attempted suicide a couple of times in the early 1980’s. As a result of Healing the Brokenhearted prayer ministry that I received, I learned that pain and trauma that I had suppressed was at the root of those attempts. During prayer, Jesus Christ released that emotional pain and trauma! I am now free of the pain that resulted in those suicide attempts. Freedom from past pain and trauma through Jesus Christ is freedom that is lasting. Praise the Lord! 

Over the years, my husband and I have prayed with hundreds of men and women who had stuffed pain for years and often decades! They were a mess, emotionally, spiritually, and sometimes physically. They were all part of the Body of Christ and blessed, but they were a mess.

If you need help and are in Colorado or New Mexico, contact me (CLICK HERE) and I can give you information for a prayer minister who was trained by me or my husband to do the Healing the Brokenhearted Ministry. There is also a HELPFUL RESOURCES page on this website (CLICK HERE). In addition, you can send us a prayer request using our PRAYER REQUEST form (CLICK HERE).

The bottom line—please seek help! Jesus does not want you to go through your life carrying that pain and trauma. He loves you very much!

Kathy Shelton

The Pain

Emotional pain.
Physical pain.
Mental pain.
Spiritual pain.

The emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual pain from trauma can cause you to do many different things to try to escape, or cope with, the pain you are feeling. It can cause you to turn to drugs, alcohol, sexual promiscuity, pornography, cutting, denial, anger, and other self-destructive behaviors. The pain is so real. The pain is so intense. The pain can also cause you to wear a mask around others. You don’t want others to see how deeply you are hurting.

Trauma includes emotional abuse, mental abuse, verbal abuse, physical abuse, spiritual abuse, ritual abuse, molestation, rape, death of a loved one, divorce, accidents, and natural disasters. The levels of emotional pain that we can experience from trauma vary greatly. As it becomes more severe, the emotional pain from trauma can, and often does, cause physical illness.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is pervasive in the world today. I believe that many more people are walking around with PTSD than anyone realizes. It can lead to all of the behaviors I mentioned above and that last, most self-destructive action of suicide.

Many people just don’t know how to cope. They may try to get help, but it may be unsuccessful, or even cause more damage. So, they may eventually turn to wearing a mask, not letting anyone know how severely brokenhearted they are—not letting anyone know the level of pain that they are carrying. However, the more that you wear that mask, the more that you try to please others, the more the mask becomes part of who you are! The following poem by Helen Joseph, The Mask, addresses this very well.

Always a mask

Held in the slim hand,

Whitely,

Always she had a mask

Before her face–

Smiling and sprightly,

The Mask.

 

Truly the wrist

Holding it lightly

Fitted the task:

Sometimes however

Was there a shiver,

Fingertip quiver,

Ever so slightly–

Holding the mask?

 

For years and years and

Years I wondered

But dared not ask.

 

And then–

I blundered,

I looked behind,

Behind the mask

To find

Nothing–She had no face.

She had become

Merely a hand

Holding a mask

With grace.

I have quoted the above poem during my Healing the Brokenhearted Ministry seminars and workshops for many years. There has always been a very strong reaction to the poem from those in attendance. Many people can relate to wearing a mask. It is not socially acceptable to wear your pain on your sleeve—to let it be known to others. Unfortunately—very unfortunately—in the Christian Church, in the Body of Christ, there is so much pain, so much emotional pain being carried by believers and they are afraid to be real with anyone. They have been hurt too much. They may have been spiritually abused. They don’t want to take a chance that it will happen again.

You can go to a church service and look around. You will see rows and rows of people wearing their masks. If you ask them how they are doing, they will answer, “I’m doing fine. I’m doing good. I am blessed.” Yes, Christians are blessed because Jesus came, died, and rose again so that we can spend eternity with Him and the Father in heaven. However, life on this earth is difficult to say the least. It is not a bed of roses even for, and sometimes especially for, Christians. We have all experienced emotional pain and trauma!

The answer, however, is not to walk around wearing a mask! The answer is not to worry about what others will think. Our Most High God is the only One we need to please. Wearing masks does not please Him. If we please Him, then we will be pleasing those people He wants us to please. We cannot do that while wearing a mask!

Instead of continuing to wear a mask that will draw you deeper and deeper into isolation from others, you need to find someone with whom you can share your deepest pain. You need to allow that mask to come off. You need to be careful, because as we have all found out, not everyone is safe. However, you’ll never know who is safe unless you take a chance. Ask a Christian friend or family member if they know of a safe believer that you can contact for help.

JESUS is always safe! Talk to Him. Pray. He will lead you and guide you. You can also send us a prayer request on our PRAYER REQUESTS page (CLICK HERE). In addition, we have added a HELPFUL RESOURCES page (CLICK HERE) on the menu at the top of the website that includes suggestions for ministries that you may want to contact for help.

May the Lord Jesus bless you as you seek His healing and freedom from past pain and trauma. I pray that your heart will be open to receiving that healing and freedom and that nothing will stop you from pursuing it. I bless you as you determine to stop wearing a mask long enough to get the help you need so that one day you will not have to wear that mask. May Jesus Christ strengthen your heart and give you courage. May you see the goodness of the Lord as you remove your mask!

Kathy Shelton

The Tragedy of Suicide

Attempting suicide or actually committing suicide, taking one’s own life, is usually the result of unbearable emotional, mental, or physical pain. A broken heart is often the starting point for suicidal thoughts. The person who attempts or commits suicide has lost hope that the pain will stop any other way. The enemy of our souls, the devil, adds to that hopelessness by agreeing with the person that suicide is the answer. A demonic spirit of suicide is assigned and attached to the pain, and the combination can be deadly.

Paul wrote about “despairing even of life” in the Bible in 2 Corinthians 1:8. As reported in 2 Corinthians 11:23-28, Paul had gone through unimaginable trials, including beatings with rods, whippings with thirty-nine lashes five times, perils everywhere he went, surviving a ship wreck, sleeplessness, hunger and thirst,  being stoned, and being thrown into prison. He endured those things without losing hope, yet something caused him to lose hope at one point. However, he did not commit suicide, but trusted in God to deliver him. The prayers of others brought him through his season of hopelessness.
 

The incidence of suicide is at an epidemic level in the U.S. It is not limited to any age, gender, or ethnic group, although it is higher in some areas. Veterans alone have been taking their own lives at the rate of 22 per day. More people die, at least 100 per day, as a result of suicide than car accidents in this country. That is over 36,500 deaths due to suicide in the U.S. per year! In addition, approximately 600,000 Americans attempt suicide every year and end up in emergency rooms.

According to the New Mexico Suicide Prevention website, New Mexico is 3rd in the nation for suicides! Over one per day occurs in New Mexico, approximately 420 per year. That is more than deaths resulting from breast cancer or people driving under the influence of alcohol or drugs.

Valencia County, New Mexico, where we live, has a very high rate of suicide. It also has the highest rate of drug and alcohol abuse, unwed pregnancy, and domestic violence in New Mexico according to a study done by the University of New Mexico, Valencia Campus. All of those things can contribute to a high rate of suicide.

Suicide is a tragedy that can often be prevented. How? First and foremost, the person needs to ask Jesus Christ to come into their life and be their Lord and Savior. That does not automatically mean that all the pain will instantly disappear, although that can happen. In fact, people who are followers of Jesus Christ are not exempt from the devastation of addictions or the finality of the act of suicide, but they have the opportunity to receive healing and freedom from the pain. Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. Healing and freedom are possible through Jesus Christ!
 
Before the pain gets to the point where someone gives up and attempts to take his or her own life, they must seek help from a qualified Christian counselor or minister. Not all Christian counselors or ministers have the understanding of the enormous spiritual dynamics involved in hopelessness that lead to suicide.
 
Since we are prayer ministers, not counselors or mental health professionals, we always recommend that anyone with severe emotional symptoms seek out the help of medical doctors or licensed counselors.
 
We do not suggest that we know and understand all of the implications encompassing mental illness, especially the effects of mind-altering medications such as antidepressants and tranquilizers. However, we have observed that emotional pain is often accompanied by spiritual considerations that need to be addressed in the spiritual realm through prayer.
 
The Healing the Brokenhearted Ministry may help someone who has experienced suicidal thoughts, depending on the individual’s situation. Releasing past pain and trauma often results in the removal of suicidal tendencies. Praise the Lord!

 

Jesus came “to give them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning,
the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness.” (Isaiah 61:3).

 

Jesus wants us to live in His joy!